On a scale of one to rude-as-hell, it clocks in at a zero, for being zero percent anyone’s business. Second, is it rude to have a private ceremony and then a big reception? Not in the slightest. You are not going to have a wedding that’s going to trigger your disorder. (I’ve also grappled with depression my whole adult life, and as horrible as it is, it’s not going to put me in a hospital because my heart rate is dangerously high.) But you’ve been blessed with the kind of mental illness that would likely cause you to shake, covered with cold sweat and leftover puke, while you somehow try to say your vows. Some mental illnesses are less physical than others. While we’re validating here, let me co-sign on the fact that the anticipation of a panic attack is almost as bad as the part where your body is convinced you are about to die. Your heart is pounding a mile a minute, you’re sheeting cold sweat, and you’re shaking, dizzy, and barely able to talk. Why would I sign up for something that sounds like the worst experience of my life, when I could just go down to the courtroom and sign some documents? Because LITERALLY WHY? I mean, my heart started racing as I typed that sentence, so clearly it would be the world’s worst idea. Personally, I have a panic disorder related to flying, and if you told me I had to have my wedding mid-flight on an airplane, I wouldn’t get married. This is meant to be a wedding, not some sort of torture situation. You can’t get married in front of 160 people, full stop. In short, while I am in no way a doctor and can in no way provide you medical advice, I’ve been around, and GIRLFRIEND, LET’S TALK.įirst. Any advice on how I can manage this would be appreciated!įor the next few minutes let’s be best friends, because I am here to answer your questions. I just so happen to be a wedding expert who also has a panic disorder. And I really have been there, done that, gotten all of the t-shirts: I’ve done all the medication options, I’ve done cognitive behavioral therapy, I’ve done regular therapy, I’ve taken courses-hell, I’ve had hypnosis (we’ll come back to that). I don’t want my panic disorder to ruin my wedding. I’m excited for our wedding in all other respects: our venue is beautiful, we have an amazing wedding party, our parents are supportive, and ultimately I’m super excited to spend the rest of my life with my man. I don’t foresee any problems for me for our reception, during which I can excuse myself if my panic sneaks up on me. I’m very conscious of what my guests will think, and I am trying to make everyone happy, but I’m convinced that compromising so much to the extent that I’m vomiting from anxiety the morning of my wedding doesn’t seem fair to me. But if we had that large ceremony that is expected from my extended family, I’m afraid it would haunt me all throughout the planning process and sufficiently ruin my day-of preparations, all because I would be freaking out about the ceremony. I don’t want to hurt anyone by not inviting them to the ceremony, which many people see as the most important part. On a scale of one to rude-as-hell, how bad would it be to have a small, intimate ceremony, and only invite the majority of our guests to the reception? By doing this, I would rid myself of all the anxiety attached to a wedding ceremony. If I had it my way, I would get married outside with only immediate family and our wedding party before our reception. This is not something that would work for us. I’m Italian, so there are many people in my family that are attached to tradition, meaning a Church ceremony. We have a lot of people coming from out of town. Walking down the aisle and then having all eyes on me, even for a short ceremony, is a major source of anxiety. Standing in front of a relatively large group of friends and family (approximately 160) is absolutely daunting to me. Which brings us to our problem: the wedding ceremony. Which are nearly just as terrible as the anticipation of a panic attack. Being in such places triggers terrible panic attacks. I have agoraphobia, which prevents me from being in places where I cannot easily escape. We’ve been together for over five years, and during this time we got our university degrees, kick-started our careers, moved in together, and have gone on the most wonderful trips.ĭespite all this, I have the most terrible anxiety. Q: I’m getting married to my best friend, and I couldn’t be happier.
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